Why Men Don’t Talk About Mental Health—and Why That Needs to Change

Written By Sebastian Harvey

You’re Not Alone—Even If It Feels That Way

If you're a man, you've likely been taught to stay in control, push through pain, and solve problems on your own. From childhood, boys are often told to “man up,” “stop crying,” or “be tough”—messages that reinforce emotional suppression and discourage vulnerability. As men grow older, those early lessons can turn into habits of silence. Many men feel they must be strong, self-sufficient, and stoic—even when they’re struggling. But here’s the truth: suppressing emotions doesn’t make them disappear. It often makes things worse.

The Cost of Staying Silent

Men are far less likely than others to seek help for their mental health concerns, despite experiencing comparable or higher rates of untreated depression and anxiety, substance use, and suicide (APA, 2018). Why? In part, because asking for help is often seen as a weakness. Research shows that men who conform to traditional masculine norms are more likely to view therapy as a threat to their identity or as a sign of failure and may have to first overcome the stigma, discomfort, and negative beliefs surrounding help seeking to benefit from any form of treatment (Seidler et al., 2016).

But mental health issues don’t discriminate. They can show up as:

  • Constant irritability or anger

  • Difficulty sleeping or relaxing

  • Physical symptoms like headaches or tension

  • Feeling numb, disconnected, or burned out

  • Withdrawing from friends family, or work.

Research (see Harris et al., 2015; Seidler et al., 2018) on men and masculinities also indicates that our health care systems aren’t prepared to provide engaging, appropriate, and effective care for many men. Many clinicians report challenges working with and treating their male clients. Perhaps this stems from a failure to consider the diverse patterns of masculinities. Regardless, there exists a critical need for new clinical perspectives in understanding and integrating a masculine framework for addressing the diversity in men’s mental health needs.

Mental Health Is Strength, Not Weakness

Let’s reframe it: Taking care of your mental health is not a retreat from strength, it’s a return to it. Psychological flexibility—the ability to adapt and work through difficult experiences—is a hallmark of resilience and long-term well-being (Kashdan & Rottenberg, 2010). Seeking therapy or talking openly about what’s hard is an act of courage, not failure. In fact, men who engage in therapy often report improved critical thinking abilities, stress management, enhanced sleep quality, emotional resilience, and deepened personal relationships.

Imagine if more men felt safe enough to say:

  • “I’ve been struggling, and I want support.”

  • “I want to feel more like myself again.”

  • “I’m tired of pretending I’m fine when I’m not.”

Perhaps we would see fewer men stuck in silence. We’d see more emotional strength, not less. Stronger partnerships. Deeper friendships. Less shame.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If any of this resonates, know this: help is available, and it works. Therapy isn’t just for when things fall apart. It’s for building a stronger, more grounded foundation—before the stress becomes unmanageable. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or disconnected from yourself or others, it might be time to talk to someone.

You don’t have to wait for a breaking point. You just have to be ready to start.

Want to talk? I specialize in helping men navigate stress, identity, relationships, and emotional wellbeing. Let’s connect to schedule a consultation.

References

American Psychological Association. (2018). APA guidelines for psychological practice with boys and men. http://www.apa.org/about/policy/psychological-practice-boys-men-guidelines.pdf

Harris, M. G., Diminic, S., Reavley, N., Baxte,r A., Pirkis, J., Whiteford, H. A. (2015). Males’ mental health disadvantage: An estimation of gender-specific changes in service utilisation for mental and substance use disorders in Australia. Australian & New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry. 49(9): 821-832. https://doi.org10.1177/0004867415577434

Kashdan, T. B., & Rottenberg, J. (2010). Psychological flexibility as a fundamental aspect of health. Clinical psychology review, 30(7), 865–878. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.001

Seidler, Z. E., Rice, S. M., River, J., Oliffe, J. L., & Dhillon, H. M. (2018). Men’s mental health services: The case for a masculinities model. The Journal of Men's Studies, 26(1), 92–104. https://doi.org/10.1177/1060826517729406

Sebastian Harvey